A Year of Poetry by Amanda Paweska
ADDICTED
Addicted
To the pain
You've caused me
I still
Think of you
Through
Tears in
My eyes
I still
Think of you
Despite
All the pain
I still
Think of you
I'm addicted
To the pain
That
Is you
A.D.
Child like
innocence
dances in
his eyes
His face
covered in
playful expressions
and curved lips
Candidly sharing
his thoughts
in words
and motions
Enduring
boyish charm
hides
the secrets
he won't tell
EIGHT YEARS
eight years
gone like
minutes
A friendship
thrown away
no tears
from her
only mine
fall
My heart
breaks
hers stays
the same
I welcomed
death
she laughs
it off
eight years
gone
BOX
Unwanted
Unloved
trapped
in a box
of self-doubt
Alone
Scared
will I
ever be free?
Hated
Deserted
dying
in the
dark box
You have
trapped
me in
CONFUSED
Confused
Confounded
Now shadowed
In self doubt
Hiding every
And all
Glimmers of hope
Not wanting
To hurt again
Anything
To avoid it
Concealing
My feelings
So confounded
So confused
So me
THE END
peace
is fleeting
tensions
are rising
The End
will come
bigotry
is breeding
hatred
is heating
The End
will come
revenge
is seeked
restitution
is requested
The End
is coming
arms
are taken
lives
are ended
The End
is here
FACES
Attractions based
on outward cases,
makes us the losers
in these races.
Judgements made
by only faces.
Personality counts
not even traces.
Society now has
image as basis.
Deeper meanings
exist in only places.
Lack of substance
has left us spaces,
nothing to fill them
but these faces.
What was once
considered aces,
leaves us with
nothing to grace us.
These campaigns are made
to replace us
for the desired
superficial outer cases.
Is this how
our parents raise us,
to just look
at others' faces?
The lesson now
to remake us:
Look inside,
forget the faces!
Now, if all of us
would be so gracious,
this will end the talk
of silly faces.
FIRST LOVE
you were
the first
I ever
loved
No matter
what my head
would say
my heart
wouldn't listen
Still
as my head
forgets
my heart
remembers
You were
my first
love
and pain
GARBAGE
Cast aside
like garbage
used up
useless junk
Unsure of
why I
deserve this
But set
in my fate
The pain
will always
be there
Memories
have scared
my soul
Wanting
to forget
But will
always remember
I am
just garbage
HABIT
Falling
for the
same type
Knowing
what will
happen
Chained
to the
habit
Security
of my
heart ache
Longing
for the
acceptance
Needing
to feel
the emotions
Wishing
he were
different
HIS SMILE
Friendly
and warm
Completely
unexpected
still welcomed
His lips
softly curved
upward
A light
effortless motion
Expressing
a slight
fondness
So friendly
So warm
THE JERK
Your type
always
attracts me
drawing
me in
by seeming
to be
something else
I give you
my heart
and I
get hurt
It happens
every time
because of me
falling for you
the jerk
JOURNEY
Eyes
full of dread
Wishing
to be dead
Slipping
into the dark
Pain
has left its mark
Trying
to ruin life
Aching
from the strife
Reborn
into the light
Holding
on with might
Finding
the meaning of being
Eyes
now finally seeing
MY ROCK
You are
my rock
the one
I fall
back on
whenever
my life
turns out
wrong
You are
the hard
cold soul
my heart
once belonged to
You are
the loveless eyes
I once
Gazed into
You are
the stone edge
my head
and heart
fall on
You are
the rock
I turn to
when
my life
goes wrong
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Please forgive me
for what I've done
the pain was
just too much
please forgive me
if I hurt you
I just couldn't
take it anymore
please forgive me
for not telling
you just
couldn't help me
please forgive me
for not saying goodbye
I just couldn't
face anyone
please forgive me
for wanting you to live
just know
I'm better now
RECOVERY
Hiding
the feelings
Dealing
internally
Slowly
decaying
Refusing
regression
Overcoming
pain
Working
alone
Helped
by no one
STARS IN THE NIGHT
So alone
And still
Bright
Always there
For everyone
But no one
There
For them
The helping
Light
For the
Lost
Hears all
The world's
Wishes
Depended on
To be
There
The stars
Of the
Night
STRONGER NOW
You could
Never love me
And would
Never try
Your face
Fades
Away from me
I am
Stronger now
Without you
You lied
To me
Thinking
You had to
Your voice
Is now
Unrecognisable
In my ears
I am
Stronger now
Without you
UNTITLED
Drifting alone
within
the people sea
No one reaching
to save
the drowning form
Trapped beneath
the waves
of heads
Struggling
against
their path, the tide
Gasping
for air
amongst the chatter
Pulling
at the coal legs
for movement
Drowning
in this
sea of people
UNTITLED
I still
Think of you
Even though
I shouldn't
The smile
You rarely
Shared with me
The pleasant words
You said
Only sometimes
The few touches
I felt
As much more
I shouldn't
But still
I think
Of you
UNTITLED
Such
the odd thing
Open
to one
But closed
to another
Broken
so easily
Hard
to repair
Ripped
apart and
Pieced
together
Over
And over again
UNTITLED
Twisted lust
mocked
by age
and habit
consequences
clear
and many
Followed by
leers
and jeers
Hard to keep
the good
a float
drowning
in the
negative waves
Learn to
ignore them
and concentrate
on us
GIVE IN
Your arms
wrap around me,
your voice
in my ear
--I tremble
against you.
My knees
get weak,
I can’t think,
I can’t speak
as your lips
touch my skin.
You control me,
you own me
with your
fingers on my neck;
the simplest touch
makes me
give in to you.
02/11/01
STARS
Twinkling
miles away;
hear dreams,
grant wishes,
cross lovers.
Leading
the way,
watching
the earth,
guarding
the heavens.
Twinkling
miles above
my head.
03/16/01
MOON
Filling the
night sky,
all are caught
in your
mystic trance.
Soaring above
Everything
she eclipses
the envious day,
engulfing
the starry eve,
lighting
the darkness.
03/27/01
STARS I
Lights the night sky bright
Twinkling in the darkness
Dancing in your eyes.
STARS II
Lighting the night sky
Dancing in your eyes, brightly
Together it’s right.
04/17/01
STARGAZER
Staring up
to the sky
for guidance
Follows
the path
lit by
the North
Lost in
the mystic
of the night
compelled
by the glow.
03/26/01
SWEET GODDESS
Mystical
guardian of
the heavens
Sweet Goddess;
hear all
prayers,
heal all
souls.
Sweet Goddess
give small
gifts,
brightens the spirit.
Sweet Goddess
calms
all storms,
pure magick,
Sweet Goddess.
03/27/01
BLESSINGS
Blessings
come in
small packages,
wrapped
in wings
and fine silks,
covered
in wishes
and shimmering
dusts of hope
that bless
us all.
03/27/01
DEAR GOD
Is there
Actually
anyone there?
Anyone
to listen,
anyone
at all?
Calling
for help,
for guidance
--no reply.
Anyone
up there
--no.
02/10/01
SEMI-SONNET ONE
Such the extraordinary and simple thing,
Not defined on to who it may go,
Both light and dark, perchance it bring,
There during all high and low.
Far to effortlessly broken
By those who do not care.
Some have taken it for a token,
Leaving the bearer in despair.
Hard to survive, forced on.
Some call it the bringer of light,
But all it has brought is tears during the night.
04/10/01
SEMI-SONNET TWO
Sitting in the dark alone
Sends chills to the bone.
Always living I despair,
Barely worth the repair.
Even see the rise of the moon?
Or even live past noon?
In creeps the light;
Becoming blinded by the bright.
Is it the start of a new day?
Of just another way?
The confusion of sadness
A feeling most repress
It is better in the morning
When life appears more adoring
.
04/17/01
INVISIBLE
Everyday forgotten,
Is the voice heard hardly ever.
It was bound to happen
From only a shadow in life,
Where nothing is ever really expected.
Feels grief and strife?
That notion they have fully rejected.
There is no place to fit in.
Often simply looked over
And questions go unanswered again.
Smiling is the perfect cover.
Trying to keep head high and proud,
All while only a face in the crowd.
04/19/01
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